How not to take things personally? | Frederik Imbo |
A) 1. How would you feel if
You drive slowly trying to find
a specific location, and somebody is driving just behind you honking and
flashing their headlights.
Somebody cancels an appointment
with you at the last minute.
You give a presentation, or a
public speech, and you see somebody who is not paying attention, for example
looking at his smartphone or talking to a person next to him
Somebody refuses to meet with
you saying she has to work but you see on social media pictures of her having
dinner with friends
2. Which of these situations would you take
3. Can you think of other situations when
you would feel hurt but what other people did or didn’t do?
4. Would you rather be right or happy?
B. Put the following words next to the
pictures they represent:
field (n), head (n), headlight (n), honk
(v), referee (n), scapegoat (n), tail (n), tailgate (v)
C. What the video https://www.ted.com/talks/frederik_imbo_how_not_to_take_things_personally_mar_2020
and answer the following questions
Why did Frederik become a football referee?
to stay in good shape
to learn how not to take things
How often do spectators shout encouraging
things to a referee?
Why is he, as a referee, a scapegoat?
As a referee he is always a scapegoat
because he is always wrong and it always his fault.
Why did he want to learn how not to take
Because he really struggles
Why does he want to share his strategies
with the audience?
Because he thinks he is not the
only person in the room who sometimes takes things personally.
Why, if somebody does or says something, we
feel hurt, offended, neglected, or betrayed by the other one?
Because we believe it is the
other person’s fault. He or She is responsible for what we feel. He is the one
to blame. B
Which parts of
us is responsible for that? Why?
Ego. Because ego thinks others
should take us into consideration. It doesn’t want to be criticized. It wants
us to be acknowledged and right.
What is the key
question he asks?
The question is: Do you want to
be right or do you want to be happy?
strategies for not taking things personally does he propose?
What is the
It’s not about me. Look at the
other person’s intention.
I think “Me, myself, and I”
while it is not about me. Try to look from the other person’s perspective.
Shift focus from “me” to “we”
Why this strategy is difficult
in practice? – It requires a lot of effort and practice. Because our brain
produces 50,000 thoughts a day and only 10,000 are positive/ 80% of them are
ourselves and we don’t like some part of ourselves (the ‘clumsy’ part) Because
we know there is some truth in it. Chances are that this is rooted in our
We take things personally when it touches our own nerve.
What is the second
It is about me. Give yourself
some empathy. Speak up and let the other-one know what is inside you. Open up.
What did he do
with the 20 euro note?
He crumples it up (to crinkle –
gnieść, miąć) He puts it into his mouth and chews it, spits it out, and stomps
“People may crumple you up with their words, spit you out
and even walk all over you, but remember whatever they do or say, you will
always keep your value.”
Why did he do
- To demonstrate
that it hasn’t changed the value of the money.
“People may crumple you up with their words, spit you out and even walk
all over you, but remember whatever they do or say, you will always keep your
D. Put prepositions where necessary (only
Imagine, you really have worked very hard on
a project; you’re really proud of the end result but the only
thing you get is criticism. So, you come home and would like to wind down
and share this terrible experience but while you’re telling your story the
other one walks away to switch on the TV.
Our ego thinks that others should take us into
consideration. Our ego doesn’t want to be criticized. Our ego wants to be
acknowledged ‘I’m right’.
Is this what you want? Do you want to be
right? – That’s exhausting. When my ego takes over, I’m fighting
all day, I’m in constant struggle with the rest of the world and
it drains my energy.
When you don’t take things personally, no
one has power over you. You’re free. You experience much more
harmony and connection between you and other people. Of course, because your
energy can go towards nice things instead of
endlessly battling against the things that drive you crazy.
hang on, hang on = wait a minute
take over = have control of sth.
“Does it ring a bell with you” = sound
familiar, remind you of something
to flip a coin = to throw it into the air, to toss it
to flip a pancake